As more and more of my group of friends evolve from the beginning stages of this weight loss journey , to what we now call maintenance…We ask ourselves , ” what’s in a number?”
Is the number on the scale the most important thing? No. If the number goes up does it take away all the good feelings we had while it was moving down? No.
I can still cross my legs, wear knee high boots, fit in my size 2 pants All goals before surgery) and yesterday I climbed 120 feet into the earth and back out again barely breaking a sweat. My kids can still wrap their arms around me and my husband still thinks I’m “hot” . So whats the stress over a fluctuating 5 lbs. I know why it’s happening. It’s no mystery. I know I can get it off too, so why is it mentally so distracting.
This is one of the hardest parts of this journey for me. I have lost the weight, I have acquired a new lifestyle, and I’ve even learned that there are people that will not be able to accept the way things are now and they may have to be trimmed out of my life. ( another post to follow explaining ”trimming the fat”) As challenging as these things are and as long as it has taken to accept these changes, this damn number thing is the hardest yet. What is it that it is saying to me. Where in my life has this number been turned into a “scale” of my success. Did someone some where some time ago stress “the perfect number and now I long to reach it”?
What is the perfect number? When this idea was lay ed into my head somewhere along the way, what was the number that was suppose to be ideal? Was I a kid? Was the number or is this magical number attainable as an adult. DO you see why this is so difficult?
and so now I keep reminding myself to:
1- Trust my body. Probably one of the hardest things I have to do is have a mixture of faith and trust. Not two things I have often , if ever, I especially don’t find it much in myself. I know my body is working hard to get what it needs and it has the tools to take care of things. I feed it and care for it much better now then I ever have before. I have more faith in my cat then I do in my own Body. The cat I know only needs minimal food and water and he’ll be just fine. Why cant I have that faith in my own body I care for so much better then Logan the cat?
2-Learn to live. I didn’t go through all this struggle and learning to now not be able to live. Counting calories at every meal , feeling stressed over not working out ( I mean quality) and worrying about numbers on a scale, is not living. I have in fact imprisoned my mind into a place I never wanted to be. I went from NEVER thinking about what I was eating, calories ? What are those? to counting every morsel. I had no knowledge of good eating , to NOW being obsessed by it. I have learned so much about good eating but I have crossed over to obsessive. I find it very hard to allow myself to eat calories that will maintain instead of losing. I literally feel ashamed when I eat something I shouldn’t ( it doesnt stop me ) and obsess over how I’m going to get it off. This is not Living.
I would much rather leave this post with a plan, But the truth is I dont have one. Everyday is a learning experience. I have no idea what the future holds and I have no idea how to travel down a path I’ve never been on before. Im in a hotel lobby at 7:30 am having just ate some breakfast while thefamily sleeps and I’m blogging. This is new. This is helping. I think I’ll be here alot more often. I have futrure goals and things I’m planning. I think I will spend alot more time focusing on those things and less time worrying about food, calories and gaining weigh. Will I forget it all together, No. In fact typing that statement makes me nervous.
I will add , and this is in no way meant to be comparing Cancer to My gift of weight loss surgery, but I think the mental health of someone who was once very sick can be the same.
You spend a very long time very sick, some of us , all the way to knocking on deaths door. You fight like hell to not walk through that door and do everything in your power to heal and get healthy and strong. You accomplish this with faith and modern medical miracles. But now you worry everyday, “What if I get sick AGIAN. What if I’m back at deaths door? , I won’t be able to do it again,” so we fight like hell, get obsessive , and worry everyday that we will go back to being sick. But at some point you have to let go, trust in things you know, things you have learned, and except whatever is going to come our way. If we don’t we aren’t living we’re just kinda hanging around deaths door waiting to knock again.
Well that’s the best way I can explain it too you. I hope you understand it’s a process and a journey. Maintenance is the final leg of the journey and I’m entering the final stage. In my opinion the hardest one with the most self reflection. I don’t like self reflection. But it’s part of the process. So good luck to my maintenance friends and for those of you supporting us, Thank you. One day we will find our comfort zone and we Will truly be living.
Is the number on the scale the most important thing? No. If the number goes up does it take away all the good feelings we had while it was moving down? No.
I can still cross my legs, wear knee high boots, fit in my size 2 pants All goals before surgery) and yesterday I climbed 120 feet into the earth and back out again barely breaking a sweat. My kids can still wrap their arms around me and my husband still thinks I’m “hot” . So whats the stress over a fluctuating 5 lbs. I know why it’s happening. It’s no mystery. I know I can get it off too, so why is it mentally so distracting.
This is one of the hardest parts of this journey for me. I have lost the weight, I have acquired a new lifestyle, and I’ve even learned that there are people that will not be able to accept the way things are now and they may have to be trimmed out of my life. ( another post to follow explaining ”trimming the fat”) As challenging as these things are and as long as it has taken to accept these changes, this damn number thing is the hardest yet. What is it that it is saying to me. Where in my life has this number been turned into a “scale” of my success. Did someone some where some time ago stress “the perfect number and now I long to reach it”?
What is the perfect number? When this idea was lay ed into my head somewhere along the way, what was the number that was suppose to be ideal? Was I a kid? Was the number or is this magical number attainable as an adult. DO you see why this is so difficult?
and so now I keep reminding myself to:
1- Trust my body. Probably one of the hardest things I have to do is have a mixture of faith and trust. Not two things I have often , if ever, I especially don’t find it much in myself. I know my body is working hard to get what it needs and it has the tools to take care of things. I feed it and care for it much better now then I ever have before. I have more faith in my cat then I do in my own Body. The cat I know only needs minimal food and water and he’ll be just fine. Why cant I have that faith in my own body I care for so much better then Logan the cat?
2-Learn to live. I didn’t go through all this struggle and learning to now not be able to live. Counting calories at every meal , feeling stressed over not working out ( I mean quality) and worrying about numbers on a scale, is not living. I have in fact imprisoned my mind into a place I never wanted to be. I went from NEVER thinking about what I was eating, calories ? What are those? to counting every morsel. I had no knowledge of good eating , to NOW being obsessed by it. I have learned so much about good eating but I have crossed over to obsessive. I find it very hard to allow myself to eat calories that will maintain instead of losing. I literally feel ashamed when I eat something I shouldn’t ( it doesnt stop me ) and obsess over how I’m going to get it off. This is not Living.
I would much rather leave this post with a plan, But the truth is I dont have one. Everyday is a learning experience. I have no idea what the future holds and I have no idea how to travel down a path I’ve never been on before. Im in a hotel lobby at 7:30 am having just ate some breakfast while thefamily sleeps and I’m blogging. This is new. This is helping. I think I’ll be here alot more often. I have futrure goals and things I’m planning. I think I will spend alot more time focusing on those things and less time worrying about food, calories and gaining weigh. Will I forget it all together, No. In fact typing that statement makes me nervous.
I will add , and this is in no way meant to be comparing Cancer to My gift of weight loss surgery, but I think the mental health of someone who was once very sick can be the same.
You spend a very long time very sick, some of us , all the way to knocking on deaths door. You fight like hell to not walk through that door and do everything in your power to heal and get healthy and strong. You accomplish this with faith and modern medical miracles. But now you worry everyday, “What if I get sick AGIAN. What if I’m back at deaths door? , I won’t be able to do it again,” so we fight like hell, get obsessive , and worry everyday that we will go back to being sick. But at some point you have to let go, trust in things you know, things you have learned, and except whatever is going to come our way. If we don’t we aren’t living we’re just kinda hanging around deaths door waiting to knock again.
Well that’s the best way I can explain it too you. I hope you understand it’s a process and a journey. Maintenance is the final leg of the journey and I’m entering the final stage. In my opinion the hardest one with the most self reflection. I don’t like self reflection. But it’s part of the process. So good luck to my maintenance friends and for those of you supporting us, Thank you. One day we will find our comfort zone and we Will truly be living.
The fear of re-gain is so great with those of us that have been MO. That is why we stress over just a few pounds. Not really the issue of 5 pounds.......but what we fear those 5 pounds could become. :-(
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