I tell you life is so Ironic sometimes. I found this article in one of my women's magazines that was all about judgement. How we judge each other. Skinny or fat. It really hit home for me so I passed it on to my Hospital support coordinator ( and Friend). We decided to do a support group meeting about it. The topic to be discussed: We sometimes think that when we loose weight and get healthy, and become what everyone always wanted us to be, the judging and harsh treatment will or should cease to exist.
HA! YES, HA!
It has been my experience , That couldn't be further from the truth of it.
OK ,so because I put myself out there and I share personal information with any stranger who asks, I'm in the public eye a bit here locally, and I make video's, face book stuff etc....I'm a little bit more open to criticism but the everyday waitress who makes a comment like "oh I suppose YOU don't want dessert," or "Oh go ahead honey eat the bread, you could use it", Or rolls their eyes when you ask for dressing on the side, Is all judgement .That's just the tip of the iceberg. I've become accustom to those little digs , not that I should HAVE to but let's face it, we have to pick our battles. When I was recently called a " FAKE C*NT" on my you tube channel and told that I should have done it the Old Fashion way with dieting and exercise( oh why didn't I think of that!) and that I didn't deserve to be skinny, I laughed ( and emailed the idiot saying thank
you for calling me skinny LOL).I realized, the judging is never going to end. This same person probably would have called me a fat so and so if it was pre-surgery at 275 pounds. I really understand where it comes from, Now 2 years later. .His own self hate and distaste with where he is in life leads him to be bitter and full of hate. It literally has NOTHING to do with me.
I saw on his channel he is 1- Openly Gay ( I love my gays, my sister is gay for goodness sake but let's face it, there are some who struggle with this in life and become bitter) 2- He suffers from HS ( the very same condition I too had pre surgery and I KNOW THIS COMMUNITY TO BE VERY NASTY AND BITTER, they suffer extreme pain all day everyday and are very negative. ) 3- All his channel comments were nasty and bitter so I wasn't the only one. Lucky Me.
It took me two solid years to understand other people's judgements are about them, NOT ME .
A lot of what we perceive now is also influenced very early in life. Our pre judgements come from imagery we experience through books, movies and personal observations. When I was heavy, I was safe. I was relate able . I was the " fluffy fairy god mother" type ( Thanks Disney for that by the way ), Now I'm the "skinny fingered wicked step mother" type ( Once again THANKS Disney). The irony is , The fluffy fairy God mother was angry, bitter and hated most everyone and doing anything . The skinny fingered step mother is positive, loves talking to people, is more involved in her community and has goals. Wants to encourage and excite others about life. So there DISNEY. All middle aged skinny women are not mean nasty bitches .Who ever thought I'd have to defend THAT group of people, but seriously not all middle aged over weight women are fluffy, happy, nurturing types either , TRUST ME!
Why do we judge? I have to say, I try super hard not to judge right off the bat. I love to people watch. I love to experience the visual display of colors, imagery ,styles, ( lets face it handbags and shoes Too LOL) I wonder, where have they been? where are they going? what have they learned ?what do they do ? Very much like looking at art in a museum. What was the artist thinking, feeling, what was life like then, etc. I love theme parks, just to sit and watch. I don't like nor do I snark rude comments about anyone. I'm generally telling my husband " oh I wish I had her Butt , or Her hair,"
I've been every size from 24 to 2 so I'm the last person to judge on that criteria alone, trust me, how ever, I'm human. A girl with her butt crack hanging out is gonna cause a slight judgemental reaction in my frontal lobe but then I think "WOW good for her" , she's confident! she's working it, then the stylist in me thinks" I wish I could just "shush" it up for her a bit." ( yeah is that a word? It is Now ) .
Will judging ever stop? Of course not. But we need to empower ( Ironic- the you tube guys name was empowered something ...) ourselves and then young girls to realize that as long as we like our selves ( in the words of Bernie Mac) screw what everybody else thinks. Sorry keeping it real people.
At the end of the day, as my mother would say," If you can lay your head on your pillow and feel like your doing all you can, That you are a good person, then that's all that matters". Not what other people think of you. But does that mean then, if you judge other people and you don't think it's wrong ,then it's not? So maybe the real ANSWER is INSIDE US. Judge all you want. I am who I am and at the end of the day, that's all that I can focus on . I want to be a good, supportive, non judgemental person. I want to be kind uplifting and Happy. I guess that's all we really have control over. Life is truly IRONIC. We fight to change ourselves partially to stop the judgements and we end up with all kinds of new judgements and judging ourselves. Ironic.
